Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My Beautiful Wife

Not a day goes by that I don't think of how lucky I am to be married to my wife.

We were at the movie the other night and a couple was in line to buy tickets. The girl was beautiful and the guy, not so much. I thought how weird that was until I thought that he is probably looking at me and wondering the same thing.
 It made it even worse because we were there with Holly Wattles, so here was this dorky old bald guy with two beautiful women. It's good to be me.
It's not just that my wife is prettier than me, she's nicer than me. she's smarter than me, and she is most definitely a better person than me. Man did I trade up. Enough about my wonderful wife.
Ok, it's been a while since I told a good story so here goes.
This one is one of my favorites because to this day I still can't believe that it happened.
It was a bright Saturday morning about 23 years ago. I had been married a few years, but Tyler was not born yet. I was living in East Las Vegas and had been invited to golf in Henderson so I was headed out about 6:00am. I stopped for gas at a 7/11 in Pitman, for those of you who grew up in Henderson, you know where that is. There was not a soul at the store when I pulled up to the pump, so I started the gas and headed into the store for a doughnut and a chocolate milk (I weighed about 150 lbs soaking wet) you could eat anything. So while I was in the store I noticed a small motor home had pulled in behind my jeep at the gas pump, even though there were no cars on the other side of the pumps. "Must not be in much of a hurry," I thought, so I dink around in the store for a while and head out to finish pumping my gas.
 Here's where it gets weird.
 While standing at the back of my jeep I glance into the front window of the little motor home and notice this little old man behind the wheel and what looked to be a young teenager in the passenger seat. "How nice" I think to myself, I turn to finish and I hear someone say something over my shoulder and I turn and the old guy is saying something, but I can't hear him. I just smile and continue pumping.
 This time the old guy leans out his window and says "Did you hear me!" I say "Excuse me" and he yells "Get your @#%!!! out of the way!" I'm stunned and I mumble something stupid like "Oh yea, well you shut up!" Thinking that that would handle things you can imagine my surprise when the passenger door flies open and the teenager pours out. Now picture this, he is about 6'-3" and 130 lbs, he looks like plastic man. I can't figure out what he's going to do when he runs right up to me and shoves me back into my jeep. He screams right in my face "Nobody talks to my Grandpa that way!" 
 I instinctively push him back and he falls down in front of the motor home. I'm freaking out, but turn expecting the old man to be locking his door and as I turn I get punched straight in the eye by Grandpa, as hard as I've ever been hit. My mind is spinning, I flail out with my left hand and catch gramps in the side of his neck and watch in horror as he collapses like he was a puppet and someone cut all the strings.
 What the heck????
 Before I can process that information, plastic man has jumped on my back and I swear his arm went three complete revolutions around my neck and his legs were crossed twice in front of me. I didn't even notice he was there, I was staring down at the old man who was just laying there not even twitching. What had I done? Is he dead?
 My right eye is swelling closed and I remember that I have junior on my back. I unwind him from me and casting him to the side, still staring at his grandpa. He runs to him and yells up at me "What have you done!"
 What???? My mind is going a million miles an hour. I turn and look across the parking lot in time to see this huge black guy walking towards me. "Oh man!" I say out loud. He is going to think I beat up this old man and he is going to kill me!
 He walks up to me and takes the pump out of my hand, which was dripping gas all over and hangs it up. He turns to me and says "That old dude is crazy!""You better get!"
 I am not thinking too clearly and nod as I get in my jeep, start it up and drive off.
I only get a half a mile or so down Boulder Hwy and I'm shaking so bad that I have to pull over. 
I get to the side of the road and I don't know what to do. Go back? Take off? I don't know what to do. I do know that I can't see out of my right eye. It is swollen closed. I get scared and I drive off and never look back.
What the heck had just happened ? Did I kill him? Am I a fugitive? Were they setting me up? Was it caught on tape?
I never ever knew, but it still to this day freaks me out and I have become a very speedy gas pumper.
It will just be my luck for that old man to be your Grandpa
See Ya


Annie said...

You can print your blog into a book. You should really do this. Your stories are wonderful.


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